Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
