playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
