im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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