No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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