Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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