My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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