I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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