We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
