i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
