Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
