I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
