thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
