Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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