'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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