Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
