i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
