a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
