There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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