Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
