my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
