Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
