so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if only i could text you this smell
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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