at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
