Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
