those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
