I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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