i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
