I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
