Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
