If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
