What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
