I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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