After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we're so committed to being not committed
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