Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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