I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
