So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
