awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
