What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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