Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
