This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
