I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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