My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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