Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
