my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
