Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
