Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
