it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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