Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
