Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
