Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
