he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
