I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
