Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
