I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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