it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
